lunacy - di sini taman langitku

eversince ibuk takde .. aku selalu teringin nak makan lauk kari daging. Nak masak .. hmmm 'tak tahu' sbb sepanjang hidup aku tak pernah masak lauk kari. Dan bila tekak nak makan kari.. teringin nak makan lauk kari yang sedap. So pernah aku 'mintak' mak kiki masakkan kita semua lauk kari .. desperate maut lah, nak melayan tekak. Tapi semalam waktu aku 'lost in thots' tentang apa nak masak .. ldlm pasar.. dah dekat 7 tahun duduk kat pasir ris smlm 1st time aku jejak pasar basarnya. Tengok ikan pun jadi 'lost' jugak .. "sayang, beli lah ikan ni" aku senyum kat apek yg panggil aku 'sayang'. Dia tak tau aku tengah tak tau apa nak beli.. ikan yg mana?? my knowledge in ikan limited lah apek, sayang. aku beli few things kat pasar.. selain dari 2 bungkus nasik lemak dan sebungkus nasi jenganan and ordered pizza hut later part of the day. So hari ni, aku decided nak masak kari daging. Nak masak yg sedap macam 'Ibuk'!! aku bertekad! ...

There she goes again .. flying home, leaving us with fun memory. I couldn't sleep last nite .. amnesia?? hope not. I woke up like a zombie this morning. While, waiting for adib's school bus my mind was thinking of Jun. She shld be leaving soon and probably her car would be driving passed my house .. hmm abt 2o mins later, i could see thunder and lighning followed by strong wind and rain thru the window. Hope she'll be strong to leave her love ones (again). I was glad that the 4 of us get to be together again. "A moment together" like this is hard to come by .. tho it was short but i was thankful. Friends forever ya Ani, Lin, Jun & Me - Insyallah. Till me meet again ...

setiap kali aku nonton ' 1988, Segaris Sinar' di tv, aku menjadi bertambah semangat utk bersama dgn teman lama. Walaupun setiap kali ber-emailan ada saja yang menyuarakan rasa tak senang atau tersinggung tapi aku percaya, bila semua sudah bertemu mata segala perselisihan pasti hilang .. tak mungkin kelihatan lagi. Kita dah lama bersama .. kecandian, kementelan, kemuraman, ke-blur-an, innocent, decent dan segala kegilaan - itu lah 'KITA'. Sebab itu lah aku teruskan jugak dengan plan untuk berkumpul semula. Walaupun di saat-saat akhir ada yang tak dapat hadir, aku redha tapi aku tetap rindu pada mereka. kembalinya jun ke sini bersama keluarga menjadikan catalyst utk segalanya berlaku. Seperti waktu sekolah dulu, aku akur bila jun kata "takpe lah wa, kalau dia tak datang, mesti dia ada sebab dia sendiri". Aku diam .. tapi sampai ke hari ini aku masih sangsi dgn sebab dia tidak hadirkan diri, mengapa kali ini berat dia hendak berterus terang. Aku mas...

adam .. adam .. ada..

i've never that eager to meet ayah. never in my entire life. but yesterday, ive rushed home wif 2 pkt rice for ayah and me. i hv not seen him since last week, ive been recuperating at home while my mind been wondering how was he doing at home. cik nanik said "ur ayah is a straight man, almost naive when it comes to love and most times, he's not sensitive to people but he's only sensitive to himself. i know that cos he's my brother. that was what cik nanik told me the other day. somehow, after ibuk's death i finally find to time to get to know my ayah. to be able to talk to him ALONE. alhmadulilah i reach home right on time, ayah was getting ready to go out. I told him i brought lunch!! so we chat .. chat and chat .. for 3 hrs. what i told him the other day, been eating him till madness .. thanks to me ofcourse. was i glad? was it pay back time now? or was i just too soft? the true fact is, im one of the TAIB's. Im just being 'em (perhaps) or being ib...

Adib still running a temp. 38.3 still high to let him go school. He’s coughing with yellow phlegm these days. My legs are kindda wobbly and my head spin when I tried to move too fast. Yeah that’s wat I’ve experiencing. Still at home this morning, 1st Apr. I got back 14 annual leaves that is after being pro-rated. I don’t think it would be enuf for the family *sight*. Oh shit! New financially year which means my appraisal letter must be in boss hands waiting for me. Well I guess I just hv to admit of my poor performance last yr. or perhaps, I might as well resign and be a stay home mom, perhaps. Im so frustrated!!