lunacy - di sini taman langitku

Your first experience with a girl and it surely won't be your last ... just be strong.  

 Kita tahu berat hati abg nak berpisah. Kita pun .. tapi kejayaan tak akan dtg bergolek. Ilmu harus dicari. Jaga diri bang .  kita saling mendoakan..

Alhamdulilah, Abg balik utk menyambut Aidiladha bersama kami. Untung exam habis awal.. dgn cepat abg pulang. Syukur... Kepulangan abg kali ni dgn tekad utk mencari wang perbelanjaan utk Tahun 2 di Universiti. Syukur ada kawan abg yg ajak sama2 berkerja dgn dia. Walaupun dia berhenti dahulu .. Bubu dan ayah bangga sbb abg kuat semangat utk terus berkerja. Priority diutamakan. Alhamdulilah, makin ramai pulak kawan abg lepas tu .. supervisor sayang .. Masyallah, nikmat Allah beri. Tak lupa plak, Abg sempat jalankan tugas sebagai ahli Per***** waktu orientation bagi pelajar2 yg akan ke cairo tahun ni. Alhamdulilah.  

antara masa2 aku sedih ialah bila di buat tak tahu yg aku ni sakit sbb dia lagi merajuk. Betul kata ibuk, hati kita kalau sakit, kita tahu mcm mana nak obat tapi kalau hati orang .. ya ampun!!!! Maka aku kenelah kentalkan hati mkn obat, sapu obat dan sedaya upaya tak payahlah nak nangis bagai. Kalau dulu mak ada, boleh jugak aku ngadu kat mak pasal anak dia. Tapi sekarang ni.. aku kenelah bergantung sepenuhnya pada Allah. Tempat mengadu dah takde da...  Aku kene kuat!! Dan kau jgn nangis menyesal bila aku dah takde. Sbb akhirnya Allah kabulkan doa aku utk bersama Ibuk dan keluarga aku disebelah sana.

Mak   22 Oct 2021 - kenapa aku rasa like im losing her soon? Sejak ibu pergi mak la tempat penganti ibuk. Walaupun tak sama tapi sikit demi sedikit, we started to get to know each other.  Mak jatuh ahad lepas. 2 hari lepas, kaki mak tiba tiba sebal. Mak seakan tak boleh berjalan. Kaki mak jadi keras membatu. Tapi bila aku minta istighfar dan bertenang. Alhamdulilah, pelan2 mak mula melangkah.  Sejak 2 hari lepas tepat seletah 5 bulan bapak pergi, mak tiba2 tak berdaya nak suap makan sendiri.. pergi tandas sendiri, mandi sendiri ..  Aku sedih..

 Its 27th Aug.  Alhamdulilah for this life .. Alhamdulilah for the love of my husben & anak-anak. For the love of family and frens around me. Syukur

Its going to be 20 days of bapak in hospital due to bed sore, fever and infections and refusing to eat. Due to TT.SH covid infection, we decided to send bpk to SKH instead. Apart fr near to home ... i was nominated as 1 of 2 that can visit bpk. Aduuuhhh beratnya tanggung jawab. Segala mcm rasa kene jawab sendiri. In the end, aku banyak video call husben. Yg aku perasan bpk tak berapa suka tengok aku yg hari2 dtg tengok dia. Bila aku berlakon jadi mak, dgn cepat bpk bukak mata dan tenung aku lama2 ... i got a chill fr that pair of eyes... tadi kami dtg for training on wound dressing and how to tube feeding bpk .. bpk nampak sangat2 bersemangat. Suka nak balik!! Masyallah.. bpk rindu makkk!

Last yr raya was during Curcuit Breaker. This year raya we only allowed to go visit 5 pple in a grp and later by the 5th day it was reduce to 2 person per visit. The number of infected pple due to covid 19 (indian mutation is increaing) in singapore this mth of may 2021. Raya celebration is cut shot somehow... Last ramadhan, we spent a lot of our time with dian's family. We were greatful for their hospitality and generousity towards us. May Allah bless them with all goodness in this world and akhirat. May Allah bless our family and keep our ukhuwah and love stronger by the day. Amiin amiin amiin.

 First, he got his IB diploma. Now he got his school shahadah. Graduating ceremony very soon. Syukur ya Rabb. Alhamdulilah atas pertolongan dan kasih sayangMu ya Allah.

 Few days ago.. aku MIMPI Taha terbaring dan mengucapkan 2 kali syahadah dan dia terus pergi tinggalkan aku.  Nauzubillah.  Aku tak sedia ya Allah. Aku tak tahu apa yg aku patut rasa. Taha sakit2 few days ni dan aku cuba sedaya aku menjaga dia. I terjumpa di youtube, chinese drama 'Remembering Lichuan'. Now in 2021 only, I found this drama and sadly the lead actor died in 2019. His character died too in the drama. I don't understand much why is the drama feel so close to my heart and I hope it has nothing to do with me ..  Ya Allah.. ease my journey in life.

 Alhamdulilah, finanly the results was out. Adib passed with flying colours.  

 

 12th years ago, ibuk left us and returned to The Creator. After 10years... things got hard. With life, health, weather, snake scares, disagreement and now Covid 19 ... we didnt visit kubur ibuk and ayah that much... This year i had this strong urged to do something for ibuk and ayah. I the service of Pusara care.sg to help with the cleaning. Alhamdulilah, so thankful for the service with moderate charge. I am all happy with tears .. seeing the clean look of kubur ibuk and ayah. هذا من فضل الرب These few days I ve bn down with guilt knowing that ive bn doing a lot for mak and bpk and nothing for ibuk and ayah. Alhamdulilah ya Rabbi atas izin dan ilham dari Mu. Amiin.

 Mak dtg bertandang lagi. Suka mak bila kat sini.  "Mak ucapkan terima kasih wati sbb ajak mak duduk sama-sama. Layan mak dann masakkan utk mak." Ya Allah sebak aku....jgn puji aku terlalu tinggi. Sbb nanti bila jatuh sakit . Wallahu taala A'lam

 In this course of my journey im experiencing difficulties that I never felt before. As our saving is almost empty.. im relying on Allah's mercy to get thru life day by day. By His grace and mercy, life is still as sweet as always.  These days, grocerries shopping makes me nervous as I dont know if I have enuf cash to pay for what i took. Everytime when I passed that hurdles i felt a surge of love and mercy Ya Rabb. The feeling that not everyone gets the chance to feel what im feeling. its me! among the abd' the choosen one.  La ukalifullah illa usaha..... Alhamdulilah, adek is doing so well. Im so thankful for that. She got a new condo and bz planning renovating it. Ayah and Ibuk must be very proud of her and family. Alhamdulilah... As for me, I leave everything to Allah. Rabbi yassir wala tuasir. You are the Best Planner of all. 

 Husband in the living room. Me here, in our bedroom. Feeling far and seperated fr him. VC with him and i wipe away the tears ... hate this seperation feeling. Love you dear..

 Last thursday we brought mak to the hospital to visit bapak.  We decided to bring her home since the nieces sounded so unhappy whenever they at nenek house and Kak did not physically visit mak instead she sent her squad and collect report fr them. Anothing was abt mak eczema. Kak said nak discussed abt bringging mak to skin ctr but need to get referral fr poly said Abg. In the mean time, mak kept scratching herself until red marks and skin tear here and there. So that thurs nite, we brought mak to the nearby clinic to get help on her skin condition. Alhamdulilah, the anti biotic work wonders.. the itch cream seems to help mak and reduce her scratching activity.  What suppose to be a "1 nite stay" at our house seemed to forever when mak said she like it here and dont want to go home😭😭😭. No english or foreign programme on tv just malay cos she wants to avoid all the kissing scene😱. Husband has to accompany mak sleep at night while me sleeps with the kids😔. Mak keeps r...

 Ya Allah 2020 hampir tamat... Cuci sekolah tahun ni tak ke mana2 la kita. Wabak covid 19 dari bilan march terus menyerang hingga kini. Alhamdulilah Zaki dan Dian dah miliki condo. Aku tumpang gembira. Bapak jatuh isnin lepas di rumah. Akibatnya tulang lengan patah, tulang punggung kaki pun patah. Allah kareem... mak nampak sedih bila bpk kat hospital. Bpk pun sedih tak dpt jumpa mak. Aku pun sedih. Ya Allah.. aku takde duit😭😭😭 dan takde kerja yg bergaji. Aku hanya mampu tolong mak dan bapak ...  Aku sedih tak dpt bawak anak2 cuti dlm negeri.  Aku sedih dan aku tak boleh cerita sedih sempit hidup tanpa wang dgn sesiapa kecuali engkau ya Allah. Aku percaya kau pasti akan hantar bantuan utk aku sekeluarga. La hawla wala quwata illa billa... 😭

Dearie sayang Bubu .. According to Murphy's Law - what goes wrong will go wrong. Qadar Allah itu lah jln cerita yang Allah dah siapkan. Ayah, Ibu & Adek will always be with you together always, Insyallah thru good & bad times. When you get all tensed up, panicked and anxiety attacked started, it broke our heart. My heart still ache .. the only thing...i dont want to cry infront of u. Im happy u woke up full of energy n positivity. This too shall pass .. ok, abang. Do pick up all ur spirit and be full again. Allah always with you, ingat tu abang. And.. i remember too when time in need your friend answer u like this ...

Its a stay at home raya. So we do our raya visiting thru Zoom. The Covid 19 pandemic is still going on and all of us is under Circuit Breaker!! Almost a lockdown.