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state of emotional turbulence




i kept on blogging even when i choose not to show it. The true side of my life these days are not pretty at all. For example the feeling of vomitting without nothing came out from my system hurts so much. The pain travelled from my throat to my stomach and it churned my whole tummy upside down. At times i feel so weak, lost all the energy in my body and followed by neausea. Morning sickness sound so cruel isn't it? i envy those pregnancy without morning sickness.

my health does affect my brain and my mood. Tiny winy little things matters to me. Im bruise because of envy, because of jealousy. I wanna be left alone to heal. I told myself sure i can take it, cos am strong as always, just gimme time. But the true fact is, ive been deluding myself. Friendship build in the air which sum up to nothing - drives me crazy. My dissappearance won't hurt anyone except mine.

reading the review of the recent award ceremony from a very well known figure put me off. Shame on you for writing such a one sided review. I heard of your name everywhere i go, i heard of your good writing but those praises shattered when i read your piece of work. Your are not being professional at all. You are being a normal writer who writes based on what you feels and not on actual facts. Acknowledging those that you know and ignoring the rest. oh what a bliss.. people actually love your writing. you lucky sob.

blogging still excites me. But i hate to sound crappy. I hate to show the devil in me partly because some of the readers know me. I have nothing nice to say and i certainly donch want to be harsh on people. It is jus not fair. Sadness turned anger for a couple of days. yet, reading the 8 comments ease me..who knows i might write some happy news tomorrow.

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