lunacy - di sini taman langitku

its hard to get by the days.. everybody felt it. Family, relatives, frens, neighbours. I don't know how she did it. But she was loved by everyone. Her humour, laughter, cooking, love and care to everyone that knew her. Everyone loves her, misses her and this particular man felt for her the 1st time he approached her. She was not easy to get. She stood him up few times at Taman Negara. She didnt reply to his letters and it drove him mad with more love from her.. i never knew ayah cud be this romantic. It was lovely, so very lovely .. now that ibuk left us, he could hardly eat. Most of the times, i caught him in deep thots... missing ibuk. p/s: if ur a relative, pls dun tell ayah we found his letters. si dara pujaan ... teruna yang pada mulanya dicabar utk 'tackle' si dara tiba-tiba terpaut hati buat pertama kali dlm hidupnya. Dia perkenalkan dirinya sebagai 'asman' berkerja sebagai buruh kasar dari keluarga miskin. 1967, warkah pertama utk dara pujaan .. terca...

25 Dec 2008 khamis, mlm jumaat, haig road, singapura

am i the only one in this? am i the only one cracking my head while others still continue with their happy hour? ya Allah..show me direction ya Allah..im begging u

i wrote an email to my former schoolmates this morning, it goes like this: salam. sorry Jah, timing just not good lah. i was at home healing my heart with swollen eyes. i think, this days i take small things too hard, my feeling are just too fragile I miss out kak siti jun sister's wedding too and it just across my house. only remember it yesterday when arbaah called to ask abt the wedding. yesterday, i put on diapers for ibuk. so she won't purge again. her legs too wobbly to walk lah, the oral chemo that doc prescribe for her while in the hospital last week was too strong. I kept on wondering why in the medicine packet there was warning stated "CYTOTOXIC drug, handle wif care" its a toxic drug. Kalau u pengang u kene cepat2 cuci tangan. it cud be fatal. Allah, korang bayangkan my mom was hospitalized for sharp pain in her angkle, no appetite to eat and can't sleep. Now she become bedridden, no appetite to eat cos kat tekak mcm ada benda, minum air kluar kat ...

i wish i wud post that middle finger pic to show my anger just like mr mgr posted all the penyapu pics. i wish i wud and i cud .. ive been crying non stop. sedih.geram.outrage. my body was tired, my mind was tired, physically i felt tired, mentally and emotionally tired too. i think every part of my body was complaining of this tiredness. So why did i cry so much. was i sad, tired or mad? why did i curse and swear infront of ibuk and MIL?? Because I was accused of something that was not TRUE!!! to everyone who cares for me, if u wanna know abt the true fact of ibuk, pls ask. But pls make sure that u hv all the time to listen to my story. If u can't be sure of that, its ok. Just take whatever i said but dun add any sugar and spice pls. It mess up my mind and my brain. i juz came back from NCC. After being discharged from hospital, ibuk could not squad in the toilet. Her legs got heavy, she could not lifted her body from bed, her skin turned red and she purged on and off. The pain wa...

ibuk was back home on tuesday, just in time for her to watch every housewife fav series "Isteri Untuk Suami". The story doesnt make sense to me. oh ok, let me just shut my mouth abt it. Ibuk appetite had not improve and she could not stand after using the squad toilet. Infact, ibuk jatuh bila cuba nak bangun. Alhamdulilah, we managed to solve that matter by getting her a 'marble stone instant toilet' . Yesterday, ibuk nak makan asam rebus ikan terubuk (my family fav. fish). Ayah bought the fish and i cook for ibuk. Nampak selera Alhamdulilah, she manage to eat tak banyak but still Alhamdulilah. She was in terrrible pain when i came home from work. Ya Allah, aku jadi 'hilang akal' kejap. Ibuk's speech sekarang pun tak clear .. aku takut, aku kasihan dgn ibuk. Dugaan utk ibuk datang secara mendadak. Ya Allah bantulah Ibuk, Ya Allah. Sambutan hari lahir kelmarin pun ibuk hanya baring di katil sambil menyaksikan cucunya happy dapat hadiah. We all kne...

just us, 4. May Allah bless us all. May we get to see 'em grow with Iman and taqwa. Lovey had a bad dream of the boys last nite. im worried. Ya Allah, semoga mimpi itu hanyalah permainan syaitan, Amin . p/s: pic taken by Pamela Wild Heart @ jurong bird park that Ms Pamela aka Wild Heart and Me (kimi and me)

14 December 2008, ibuk asked to be admitted. The pain was too much for her and too often that she gave up and decided to get herself admitted. Well, that was my guess. Anyway, its 1.30am and I hope ibuk is sleeping now in SGH. I hope the sharp pain won’t come and I hope she’ll be able to eat again. Since ibuk is in hospital, I will be able to sleep soundly. There won’t be any smses or phone calls from adek or ibuk in the middle of the nite to disturbed my much needed sleep. And I don’t hv to sleep wif my hp just in case I missed their calls. The young nurse will be able to help ibuk. She will able to assist ibuk. She will be around when ibuk needs her. So why am I still not sleeping? I hope my guts feeling is wrong this time around. Im praying to Allah that ibuk is making the right choice. I hope the doctors will take a look at ibuk overall health condition instead of concentrating in one organ at a time. Time is running and any delay in treatment will cause her a great deal o...

Its their birthday ... Adib turns 6, happily waiting for his presents from yeyeh and kiki. While ibuk at 57, is in so much pain. i need Pain Management for ibuk. She's in so much pain right now. The pain killer just don't seem to be enuf Cancer is killing her spirit and us too.

eidul adha berlalu terus .. aku tetap memilih utk menyambutnya dgn berbaju kurung melayu hijau dan berjubah hijau di pagi raya. Bagi aku, panggilan takbir itu terlalu istimewa utk dibiarkan. Biarlah sambil berpakaian sedondon kita bertakbir bersama. Terasa lebih lengkap begitu. lovey, adib dan kimi, betul tak?? Hari hari aku lalui dgn memikirkan kondosi ibuk tercinta. Setiap saat, setiap detik utk ibuk. Alhamdulilah lovey memahami. Sepertinya tak ada yang lebih bermakna dari ibuk. Sewaktu menonton drama hari raya, mlm isnin lepas aku seakan melihat kan aku mendokong watak yang dimainkan oleh sharon sewaktu bapanya sedang sakit. Im just not ready to let him go. Itu kata sharon. Itu juga yang selalu bermain diminda aku. Its not that ibuk dah sampai takah 3. Tapi perasaan takut kehilangan ibuk sentiasa membebani aku. Sebab itu kepala aku selalu saje terasa sakit .. stress mungkin. Dlm pada itu, aku diuji dgn orang2 dikeliling yang bisa ketawa bila aku katakan ibuk ku sakit. Ada juga merek...

Selamat Menyambut Aidul Adha. selamat mengerjakan ibadah korban dan jgn lupa banyak bertakbir ye.

I brought adib to office last monday cos erm .. no one can take care of him *sob* so on our way home, he got the idea that he wanted to meet wif Sir Stamford Raffles. checked out the pics .. our journey to meet the Sir ..

We pray for their happiness and health always ... yesterday, ayah cooked sop tulang rusuk. I could smell it from outside..i helped to finished up his cooking. Somehow, there's rahmat behind setiap ujian dari Allah. Sometimes ...

1st Dec 08-Happy Birthday Cekya & 30 Nov 08-Happy Belated Birthday Anja since last friday, ibuk terasa sakit di kaki akibat kanker. its the 1st pain we ever witnessed eversince ibuk was diognosed with it. Allah saje yang tahu perassan remuk dlm hati. Mulut masih bisa tersenyum tapi hati sukar nak menipu diri. Dari riak wajah dapat dirasa kesedihan melihatkan kesakitan yang ibuk rasakan. Hampir tiap malam aku menangis seorang diri, sambil bermunajat pada Dia. Alhamdulilah juga, Prof dan Liz sentiasa ada membantu tak kira waktu samada pada 12 tengah mlm atau pun 3 pagi. Mereka tetap siap utk membantu. Bila ibuk tak bisa tidur, aku pun turut berjaga mlm antara pa.ris & HG. Pernah ibuk menangis sambil ngadu di malam hari dia sakit seorang diri. Aduhh.. sedih aku mendengarnya. Rintihan ibuk ku yang tak dapat aku gambarkan kasih sayang yang di curahkan padaku selama ini. These days, aku tak bercerita tentang ibuk maupun tentang sedihku pada mrk yang bertanya khabar. Aku select & ...