lunacy - di sini taman langitku

oh its here again- "Sadness" syukur to mak/bapak for the listening hears, nasihat and help. May Allah bless you with Syurga. ..and special love to my lovey. while i was so much in grief of ibuk, ive neglected one special person that close to my heart. My 'belahan jiwa'. am truly sorry love.. i know u would do anything just to make me happy again. Am so stupid for taking u for granted. the person that always ready to wipe my tears, to hold my hand or gimme a big tight hug when im in need. yeah am the stupid one.. p/s: alfatihah utk ibuk 2bulan sudah..

yesterday, i heard this song on the radio while waiting for azan maghrib. A song from ibuk fav singer.. Jamal Abdillah. Suddenly i was brought to the time when i was a young kid and ibuk was singging the song. i was the little copy cat, took out the cassette cover and started singging along when ibuk was busy in the kitchen. That was how i knew almost all Jamal Abdillah's songs. All lyrics safely kept in my memory box. Late last year, i watch a drama from M'sia and the main cast sang the song while strumming his guitar. Oh yes, it was so pleasant .. i told ibuk about the drama. She smiled.. i wonder if she was remembering the past. Anyway Buk, the song may sound sad but to us .. its a beautiful song to sing together. oh another thing, these days .. i think kimi been missing his nyai. one morning we found kimi holding a piece of paper in his hand while we were waiting for the lift .. guess what, it was a photo of kimi with darling Nyai. While these past 2 days everytime we drove...

Yesterday was TOTAL DEFENCE DAY last saturday nite dinner was this .. and he somehow enjoyed his dinner so much that nite, apart from surprise me with a vase of fake flower that he put in the Fridge! After a while he asked me what i want in return? i said TIFFANY!! and he said 'OK'. opppsie?!!.. did i heard him right?? and knowing me .. im still hanging wif the idea, no rushing lah Dear.. as long as u love me.

khamis petang, 25 dec 08 yang lalu, lovey bergurau2 dgn ibuk sambil berkata 'dah lama tak makan pecel ibuk' .. ibuk hanya mampu senyum jer.. sbb itulah antara masakan fav. lovey & adik. beberapa minggu lepas ada jugak attempt to cook pecel tapi tak menjadi sbb tak de time. Akhirnya hari ni aku bertekat utk memasak lauk kesukaan ramai .. lovey cam tak caya yang aku masak pecel hari ni. Sabtu lalu aku bilang mummy (baca: aunty jenni) yang aku nak masak pecel, mummy cam tak caya .. aku pun jadi pelik. kenapa ye? so hari ni, dgn mamakai baju ibuk .. aku feeling jadi ibuk sambil mulakan memasak. Ibuk selalu kata masak tu bukannya susah cuma nak dengan tak nak jer.. dan sebagai anak ibuk, aku selalu confident yang aku boleh buat macam ibuk. (hahaha itu pun dgn doa, punya doa). Selamat adik pernah tulis recepi lauk2 kegemaran keluarga .. walaupun tak banyak tapi jaaadiii lah. ayah kata masak apa tu? aku kata "pecel yah, 1st time try .." ayah kata tak pelah ... orang yang...

kimi melts my heart with his smile ... while abang adib dah besar, refuse to even smile to my camera. this is Adib and Sofiyah. Fellow cuzen/schoolmate/bff. oh and i juz received a cute lil pillow.. for valentines tomorrow fr a colleague, t shanti. i try not to cry and yes, i did it!! Seriously, i forgot its 14 feb tmrw..i only remember today is Friday the 13th!! On the other hand, wonder what i do to deserve such a surprise from someone i least expected.

im itch to write .. but what about? about me going back to normal self again? after the 40days prayer, i felt at ease with myself and my fate. Yes, i do cry when pple asked about ibuk but i don't cry when im on my own anymore. Last saturday, the family who attended the prayer for ibuk were lesser than the usual bunch. Which was good cos it gave us more room to sit and talk freely. Most of us dreamt of ibuk. Aunt Eton said she dreamt of ibuk. Ibuk was with a little kid. Ahhhh... must be angah aka Anja my bro. How wonderful that must be for ibuk and angah to be together again. Yes, adek and me dreamt of ibuk too .. lovey on the hand dreamt of ibuk wanted to bring out mak (my in law). Ya Allah.. Adib P1 school work kept us busy almost everyday. Kimi adoring manja .. melt our heart. Hump! and that boy only show his 'manja' when no outsiders around. Lovey been very supportive and helpful .. oh, btw he is at home now wif the kids. Something bit adib on one of his eyes. so it look...

its ova 40 days.. Insyallah tomorrow tahlil 40 hari @ 3pm..

Glitter Happy Birthday Graphics u probably won't be reading this as u told me the other day, its too sad to read my blog so you wud probably avoid coming here. but that's ok, i would still be writing this just for you. telling you that tho im not the same person anymore, its always nice to remember an old fren especially on her birthday. always, ratna

i could still hear his voice asking me "ayang ok?". i looked into his eyes and said "ok". But the truth was, nothing seems ok with me. in fact i kept trying to console myself and my feelings but it didn't work at all. he joked, he tried to engage me in small conversation it didn't seem to work. Actually, i was disappointed with him. My request yesterday was not taken seriously. He might have his reason for doing what he did. To me 'wateva!'. i don't want to hear his excuse. Tho, this morning i felt guilty for not making breakfast and coffee. I ignore the guilt. He simply thot i was tired and sleepy and i let him. The only thing i could do was to passed him a bar of 'sneakers' and left the car after kissing his lips. sorry dear, no 'i love u' for now.