Sunday, January 4, 2015

Tuhan ku dan kemanisan bersabar

"Subhanallah, mulanya Kau duga kami dgn sesuatu yg sulit utk kami telan. Selepas itu Kau berikan kemanisan kehidupan. Sesungguhnya Engkaulah Tuhan yang maha Agung dgn segala sifat kebesaran"

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

And i thot...

And i thot we were sisters but i guess not. Its hurtful when u come to me with those words. When we dont even spoke in the first place.
And to the other sister, i would love to keep u as anonymous but why did you come forward and tell the pple that it was u?
Seriously, your way was so mean. It hurtful and disgaracing us. Even after a week, there is no apologize or whatsoever. At least Cik Hawa meant something to them. Unlike me!!. Ya Allah  grant me Your sabran jamilan Ya Allah. Less than a month ayah left us and people already started to say bad things about me. That shows how much i meant to them. My husband is so angry till it affecting his health. Bless him Ya Allah with sabr & health.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Yatim piatu, 23 Nov 11

Macam mimpi. Sekejap aku terlari2 ke sana dan ke sini. Masak. Obat. Urut. Hospital. Tetiba dalam masa yang aku sudah jangkakan, nafas ayah semakin berat. Pandangan ayah tertumpu pada yang satu. Aku dan Lovey bergilir menyebut nama Allah, kalimah tauhid, ayat-ayat Allah di cuping telinga ayah. Tangan kanan, ku usap wajahnya. Tangan kiri memegang tangan ayah. Mati itu sakit. Mati itu pedih. Mati itu sedih. Akhirnya ahad, 5.52 ptg, tetiba nafas ayah terhenti. Aku lihat wajah ayah. Dada ayah. Rasa nadi ayah. Innalilahiwainnailaihi rajiun.
Wajah ayah sejuk. Hanya dahi masih panas. Malam itu, di rumah, aku tatap wajah ayah. Ayah senyum. Ayah garang orangnya. Tapi saat itu, ayah senyum. Senyum seakan gembira dapat pulang bertemu Yang Esa. Senyum seakan dapat bersatu dengan Ibuk dan Anjarulan Putra Jasman. Aku ucapkan selamat tinggal pada ayah sewaktu aku tabur pacai ke atasnya. Aku peluk ayah buat ke-3 kali dalam hidup ini.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Bila Ayah sampai taka 3

Ya Allah.. dah sampai kah masanya? With heart n kidney deteriorating, doc assume he cud go just anytime...
Yesterday, while ayah was mengigil sejuk akibat demam, i hug him to keep him warm. That's the 2nd time i hug him all my life..

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Feeling so-so

I hate this feeling. The in between feeling of ok and not-so-ok.
Recommended some oil to frens and Alhamdulilah, Ya Allah for your Grace and Rahmah it works well with them.
Ayah is back in the hospital again. He got UTI and cant pass-motion. He's legs swell with water retention. Masyallah, may Allah grant him hasanah wi dunia wal akhirah.
Adib is having 2 more arab papers for his ISPE. The tension is already building up. Subhanallah, please grant him bit of ur strength and knowledge. May he pass all his papers heavenly Ameen.
While me, im back to me being tired and tired esp today. Moody and happy blending like water and oil. Ya Allah...

Thursday, October 16, 2014

U ask me?

Ive bn missing a lot. I hv to give up volunteering in school. I hv to give up being surrounded by the kids. I miss out the chances to be in mosque, dhuha and being bless just to be there in God's house. Attending hadith class to refresh and re-seeking abt Islam. Too many things that I thot I know and logical thinking like how I use to think dont make sense anymore. It is all in Quran and Hadith, the rest which may not seem ideal in some pple eyes but if Allah had written it that way in the Quran, you'll be bless if u could see what's hidden behind it.

I may not be there but Allah knows how much I love to learn everyweek.