uhhh.. it must be magic

the office was quite empty, i was busy with my filing. thot of listening to Adam Lambert but i came across Warrant instead. Downloaded Heaven and my thots ran thru those years while i was in school. Warrant was one of Jun fav. rock group. We had fun together listening to Warrant. The Song 'Heaven' was awesome, simply romantic that you could get goosebumps just by lisening to it. It could be the most romantic song that a man could sing for his women. Gosh! the songs like Heaven, I saw red, Cherry Pie and Sometimes she cries could just melted your heart away .. even im-she could not resist it.

i had wonderful feeling thinking of those days. Jun, if ur reading this, just to let you know im thinking of u and i miss u a lot buddy *hug*

p/s: saw that little eyes of mine, i started crying when i saw met jun at the airport couple of months ago..as if my heart felt like telling her how hard it was for me to go thru life.

next plan apa?

Alhamdulilah. Adib lulus. 3A utk B Arab, Quran dan Tarbiyah. Hmmm ... patut pun masuk madrasah.


tapi masih banyak yg mesti dilakukan utk pelajaran academic. keputusan akhir dah pun keluar.. pelan aku utk tahun depan apa pula?

thanks to rahmah for her comments. why didn't i think like dats before this. im more settle now. Thanks to shanti, Ligo & Im_she too. erm.. bila ni nak makan ketam?

oh Grudgets? dah lupa pun.

xmas is coming. kat sana sini orang cakap pasal xmas celebration. setiap kali tu jugak lah aku terasa jantungku terkejut.

akan genap lah sudah setahun ibuk meninggalkan kami. banyak yg kami pelajari sejak ibuk tiada.

tapi ibuk tak pernah jauh dari apa jua yg kami lakukan. nama ibuk sentiasa terukir di bibir kami.

p/s: terasa lega sekarang adek sudah berpunya..

watts-in my head?

ok right, i hv to stop doing my work cos the thing in my head keep on talking non-stop that it become madness. how i wish i can just upload the thots in my head straight to my blog. it'll be much easier that way. not much of typing needed and i can very soon resume work as im supposed do.


anyway, yesterday adib brought home some of his exam marks and i tell you it sucks!! oh yeah, i had a hard time sleeping last night mainly thinking of a new strategy for my kids. this whole year ive been running errands here and there and kids didnt get much time studying. A lot of time wasted on the road with me trying the best possible way that i know to juggle between work, check on my dad, prepare food, fetch the kids, trying as much as i could to do housework and keep a strong bond with lovey and and xes. Financially, im far behind target so that sucks too.

i thot of talking shan abt this but i know she's too bz to give me at least 15 mins of uninterrupted conversation, so i guess mission abort. Ligo on the other hand is on leave today and imshe only checks her email later part of the day. so here i am blogging abt the current situation that messing my head all nite and morning too : )

the thing is, im due to go back working full time next year. the dept has big plan for next year and partly, my contribution on it is quite major. ive already given my words to my boss that i'll be sticking around full force next year until yesterday, when i took a look at my Primary One son's marks. He's only in Primary One and my god, i could feel the pressure already. Right now, my only desire is to be at home with my kids so we have ample time to study, do homework and play within limits. It sounds so ideal to me for now but i love my job too. Tho the sense of belongging is not as great as before but the people here had been great and supportive of me. Oh i do know they bitch abt me sometimes but im no saint .. at least if they talked means they acknowledge of my present. I kept looking at my boss but we talked abt other stuff instead. Like the health check that everybody sign up and i didn't. Prolly tomorrow i'll go for it, taking those package with checks on cancer marker.

Oh, im gonna miss being a working mom. i love the idea of going to work having my own space somehow, get to dress up sometimes and im sure gonna miss that. But on second thot, im missing out a lot already especially for helping on my kids future.

I finished watching Privileged on youtube. Had a crushed on Will Davis (Brian Hallisay). While i hate to see Megan Smith trying to be all perfect and running everything as much as she could, to do what she thot was for the best and sometimes it backfire, i could not help thinking maybe she was a virgo, like me!! Yeah, that was why i endure watching all the18 episodes online Ofcourse, apart from enjoying myself watching the cool and handsome Will. Oh and as much as people love me, i got hateful remarks most of the time too. Brushing it away was never easy, so i sulked most of the time. Being mean was just not me, i tried sometimes but its a lot easier being nice. One last thing, I cracked easily and that makes me 'weak' and i hate that!!.

i revealed too much already, im glad i still hv this blog, its crazy to open up my heart in facebook and let everyone which could be my family, relatives, neighbours, frens of frens even old boyfren to know abt this. Until i find the best possible ways to continue this journey that i called "Life" i will keep on wondering ... erm i shall let my head do the 'wondering' part.


Yours Truly
Lunacy

Watts-In?

BRUSH .. BRUSH ..

its dusty in here .. so Watts-In? 

i miss blogging so much!! ive got too many things that i would sure to write it down here as a reminder.  Ibuk was right all along, i shld hv not doubt her judgement on people. im just so 'lurus-bendul' that's my weakpoint up till now. im too trusting these days .. i shall not forget those madness moment.  run away fr home, crying my heart out to vent out those frustration, remembering those senyum 'ketek'.  The rain got heavier and so was my tears .. crying hard alone .. calling out ibuk .. felt so lonely .. ashame .. only God knows how bad the injury in my heart.

on happy note:
Alhamdulilah, majlis turned out great.  Emotional yes .. everytime meeting pple that closed to ibuk. Thanks all, thanks for the support. Thanks for being around ..

the new family consist of :

he dreamt of ..

Ayah told me yesterday he dreamt of ibuk, after he read prayer (read:tahlil) for ibuk. In his dream, he saw ibuk waving at him as he alight from a bus. Ibuk wif her short hair, looking young.  Ayah walked to her direction. But before he could get near her, he was awake from his sleep.

i think that is so sweet.

habis daa

sabtu lalu selepas menghantar ayah pulang dari jemputan kahwin, kami melalui lebuh raya eunos untuk pulang ke rumah.  Lovey ternampak ksj menahan teksi dgn wajah serius sekali dan terus bergagas menaiki teksi tersebut.  Aku capai hp dan terus menghubungi ksj.  Dengah suara riang aku telephone dia dan berkata "oit, naik teksi nak gi mana tuu?" berderau darah bila aku dengan jawaban ksj. Dia kata "lun kat mana? ksj nak gi hospital, babak ksj meninggal".  Kau tahu tak perasaan aku macam mana waktu tu? suara high pitch aku terus aku adjust .. kematian bukan perkara mudah nak diterima akal dan perasaan.  Sebagai sahabat aku beritahu ksj, jgn takut akan aku beritahu sahabat2 yang lain. 

Malam tu, aku pergi melawat.. Alhamdulilah sempat baca tahlil bersama. Ksj lihat tenang aje, bagus lah begitu. Hari tu hari aku, hari ni hari ksj pula ..

.. dan Syawal pun berlalu.