lunacy - di sini taman langitku

 

 12th years ago, ibuk left us and returned to The Creator. After 10years... things got hard. With life, health, weather, snake scares, disagreement and now Covid 19 ... we didnt visit kubur ibuk and ayah that much... This year i had this strong urged to do something for ibuk and ayah. I the service of Pusara care.sg to help with the cleaning. Alhamdulilah, so thankful for the service with moderate charge. I am all happy with tears .. seeing the clean look of kubur ibuk and ayah. هذا من فضل الرب These few days I ve bn down with guilt knowing that ive bn doing a lot for mak and bpk and nothing for ibuk and ayah. Alhamdulilah ya Rabbi atas izin dan ilham dari Mu. Amiin.

 Mak dtg bertandang lagi. Suka mak bila kat sini.  "Mak ucapkan terima kasih wati sbb ajak mak duduk sama-sama. Layan mak dann masakkan utk mak." Ya Allah sebak aku....jgn puji aku terlalu tinggi. Sbb nanti bila jatuh sakit . Wallahu taala A'lam

 In this course of my journey im experiencing difficulties that I never felt before. As our saving is almost empty.. im relying on Allah's mercy to get thru life day by day. By His grace and mercy, life is still as sweet as always.  These days, grocerries shopping makes me nervous as I dont know if I have enuf cash to pay for what i took. Everytime when I passed that hurdles i felt a surge of love and mercy Ya Rabb. The feeling that not everyone gets the chance to feel what im feeling. its me! among the abd' the choosen one.  La ukalifullah illa usaha..... Alhamdulilah, adek is doing so well. Im so thankful for that. She got a new condo and bz planning renovating it. Ayah and Ibuk must be very proud of her and family. Alhamdulilah... As for me, I leave everything to Allah. Rabbi yassir wala tuasir. You are the Best Planner of all. 

 Husband in the living room. Me here, in our bedroom. Feeling far and seperated fr him. VC with him and i wipe away the tears ... hate this seperation feeling. Love you dear..

 Last thursday we brought mak to the hospital to visit bapak.  We decided to bring her home since the nieces sounded so unhappy whenever they at nenek house and Kak did not physically visit mak instead she sent her squad and collect report fr them. Anothing was abt mak eczema. Kak said nak discussed abt bringging mak to skin ctr but need to get referral fr poly said Abg. In the mean time, mak kept scratching herself until red marks and skin tear here and there. So that thurs nite, we brought mak to the nearby clinic to get help on her skin condition. Alhamdulilah, the anti biotic work wonders.. the itch cream seems to help mak and reduce her scratching activity.  What suppose to be a "1 nite stay" at our house seemed to forever when mak said she like it here and dont want to go home😭😭😭. No english or foreign programme on tv just malay cos she wants to avoid all the kissing scene😱. Husband has to accompany mak sleep at night while me sleeps with the kids😔. Mak keeps repea

 Ya Allah 2020 hampir tamat... Cuci sekolah tahun ni tak ke mana2 la kita. Wabak covid 19 dari bilan march terus menyerang hingga kini. Alhamdulilah Zaki dan Dian dah miliki condo. Aku tumpang gembira. Bapak jatuh isnin lepas di rumah. Akibatnya tulang lengan patah, tulang punggung kaki pun patah. Allah kareem... mak nampak sedih bila bpk kat hospital. Bpk pun sedih tak dpt jumpa mak. Aku pun sedih. Ya Allah.. aku takde duit😭😭😭 dan takde kerja yg bergaji. Aku hanya mampu tolong mak dan bapak ...  Aku sedih tak dpt bawak anak2 cuti dlm negeri.  Aku sedih dan aku tak boleh cerita sedih sempit hidup tanpa wang dgn sesiapa kecuali engkau ya Allah. Aku percaya kau pasti akan hantar bantuan utk aku sekeluarga. La hawla wala quwata illa billa... 😭