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my life

smlm terasa sangat nak makan kway teow goreng macam ibuk selalu goreng. went to cold storage di bugis, bought the necessaries and was thinking of buying something for ibuk but realised that ibuk dah tak de .. jiwa aku jadi remuk masa tu jugak. entah macam mana banyak yang aku beli tetiba terdengar suara ibuk aku 'jangan buang-buang duit!'. damaged done lah ibuk .. and its time to stop. thanks to the voices.

i hv to settle wif my 2 kids first, bawak pergi rumah ayah, baru dpt chance nak goreng mee. By the time i dapat makan it was already 6.45pm. That was my breakfast/lunch/dinner. Teringat waktu dulu-dulu .. sebut jer apa aku nak makan, ptg balik kerja sure dah tersaji. Ibuk memang superb. Hidupnya utk kami, anak-anak2 ibuk. Aku teringat dulu ibuk kata dia memang lokek kasih sayang. Dia mahukan semua kasih sayang kami utk dia, sebab itu she's everywhere in our heart and our life. Sekarang ni baru aku paham kata-kata ibuk itu. I don't mind travel here and there utk anak2. Aku nak bila balik dari sekolah anak2 biar aku yang sambut. Biar aku yg lebih tahu apa cerita mereka setiap hari. Mata dan telinga aku utk anak2 aku. Biar aku yang terakhir lelapkan mata, tak pe.. asal saje aku tahu anak2 sudah selamat ke pulau impian.

aku bukan ibuk. if only i cud be like her..
dari semalam, hati aku jadi kosong. something dlm hati aku ni dah hilang. Aku dah tak de ibuk. Apa aku harus buat sekarang? 13 tahun lepas, aku mulai berkerja .. setiap apa jua aku cuba dapatkan utk ibuk. Tapi tiba2 tanggung jawab itu hilang .. beg bonia, kasut bonia koleksi baru dah tak de bendanya .. conning ware dah tak bererti ..

tidur mlm ku pun jadi tek lena.. mentelah lagi batuk ku masih tak hilang. Ya Allah aku sakit jiwa dan raga .. the push factor in my life macam dah terkubur sama dgn ibuk.

oh ye, terima kasih aku pada semua ..
leha yg dtg mlm tuu, tempat aku menangis..
rahmah aka just the 5 of us, ur expecting!!
kak jan, terima kasih atas perhatian mu pada ibuk especially
lin, kau senyap ..
ani, tanggisanmu aku tak lupa
kak yati, terima kasih krn dtg
jah, beri aku kekuatan yang ibuk 'in a better place'
imshe, ur cry too aku tak lupa
ligo, thanks .. u been the only one that understand.
cekmi, merentas causeway. tanpa berlengah, kami 'angkut' cekmi bersama ke tanah perkuburan. maaf Mi, kasut mu jadi kotor
kak nafisah, ever so sweet
wtl, rajin menelefon aku bertanya khabar
jon@au - maaf lepas berita kematian abg jumat aku kirimkan kau berita ibuk pula. Memilu kan kau disana
sms dari awan, jimi, cekya, kak emmy, lis & ari
shanti, hope u still remember all the recipes u used to ask ibuk
sms siti yang mendoakan agar ibuk sihat, aku jawab dgn berita kematian ibuk.
sms adik ku An, much appreciated it.
dan teman2 adik dan juniors frm maarif

jika ada yang tertinggal, maafkan aku .. otak aku tak fully working. dan aku tak ok sekarang nih ..

Comments

Yati WTL said…
sabar ya dear...insya'allah all will be okay
lunacy said…
all will be ok .. Insyallah. every now and than, bila teringatkan ibuk yang dah takde tu lah yang pedih sangat tu..
Yati WTL said…
i know how it feels like...
Anonymous said…
how are u feeling now kak lun? be strong and banyakan bersabar k.. big HUG to u.
adibah said…
Lunacy,

Salam takziah untuk Lun & family. Maaf sebab KakDib baru tahu.. Bersabarlah Lun. Memang kita akan rasa kehilangan, tapi, Lun jangan lupa Lun masih ada orang2 tersayang di sekeliling Lun yang sangat perlukan Lun. Be strong, ya.. Semoga Allah beri kekuatan pada Lun untuk menghadapi semua ni, Amin..

Al-fatihah.
lunacy said…
dear kakDib, thank u so much.

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