watts-in my head?

ok right, i hv to stop doing my work cos the thing in my head keep on talking non-stop that it become madness. how i wish i can just upload the thots in my head straight to my blog. it'll be much easier that way. not much of typing needed and i can very soon resume work as im supposed do.


anyway, yesterday adib brought home some of his exam marks and i tell you it sucks!! oh yeah, i had a hard time sleeping last night mainly thinking of a new strategy for my kids. this whole year ive been running errands here and there and kids didnt get much time studying. A lot of time wasted on the road with me trying the best possible way that i know to juggle between work, check on my dad, prepare food, fetch the kids, trying as much as i could to do housework and keep a strong bond with lovey and and xes. Financially, im far behind target so that sucks too.

i thot of talking shan abt this but i know she's too bz to give me at least 15 mins of uninterrupted conversation, so i guess mission abort. Ligo on the other hand is on leave today and imshe only checks her email later part of the day. so here i am blogging abt the current situation that messing my head all nite and morning too : )

the thing is, im due to go back working full time next year. the dept has big plan for next year and partly, my contribution on it is quite major. ive already given my words to my boss that i'll be sticking around full force next year until yesterday, when i took a look at my Primary One son's marks. He's only in Primary One and my god, i could feel the pressure already. Right now, my only desire is to be at home with my kids so we have ample time to study, do homework and play within limits. It sounds so ideal to me for now but i love my job too. Tho the sense of belongging is not as great as before but the people here had been great and supportive of me. Oh i do know they bitch abt me sometimes but im no saint .. at least if they talked means they acknowledge of my present. I kept looking at my boss but we talked abt other stuff instead. Like the health check that everybody sign up and i didn't. Prolly tomorrow i'll go for it, taking those package with checks on cancer marker.

Oh, im gonna miss being a working mom. i love the idea of going to work having my own space somehow, get to dress up sometimes and im sure gonna miss that. But on second thot, im missing out a lot already especially for helping on my kids future.

I finished watching Privileged on youtube. Had a crushed on Will Davis (Brian Hallisay). While i hate to see Megan Smith trying to be all perfect and running everything as much as she could, to do what she thot was for the best and sometimes it backfire, i could not help thinking maybe she was a virgo, like me!! Yeah, that was why i endure watching all the18 episodes online Ofcourse, apart from enjoying myself watching the cool and handsome Will. Oh and as much as people love me, i got hateful remarks most of the time too. Brushing it away was never easy, so i sulked most of the time. Being mean was just not me, i tried sometimes but its a lot easier being nice. One last thing, I cracked easily and that makes me 'weak' and i hate that!!.

i revealed too much already, im glad i still hv this blog, its crazy to open up my heart in facebook and let everyone which could be my family, relatives, neighbours, frens of frens even old boyfren to know abt this. Until i find the best possible ways to continue this journey that i called "Life" i will keep on wondering ... erm i shall let my head do the 'wondering' part.


Yours Truly
Lunacy