lunacy - di sini taman langitku

Last week, a fren did a fork tuning on my palm. As she did it, she looked at me and told me to use Release essential oil as I had a lot of emotional issues. She was almost suffocated thru her throat as she took in the effect from me. Oh Allah, only you knew how i felt. What it felt like to me. Right now, i am emotionally grumpy! I burst to tears over breakfast of kacang pool cos it reminded me of breakfast with ayah back then when i was a little girl. Help me ya Allah. Make me strong again.

Kimi manja!! Everyone cant get enuf of him. Subhanallah.

Ya Allah.. bantu kami. Permudahkanlah kehidupan kami ini. Ya Allah, Engkau yg maha pengasih lagi penyayang. Aku sedang mencuba menjaga mulut ini. Aku takut apa yg terbuku di dada akan menyinggung hati bila terucap nanti. Bantu aku Ya Allab.

Alhamdulilah krn Allah beri kesihatan pada ku. Kekuatan mengharungi kehilangan dan kebahagian bersama keluarga. Ya Rabb .. sesungguhnya kehidupan ini milik Mu. Syukur pada Allah atas kesempatan ini. Hello Adeena!! Panik menyerang ayah dan ibu bila kubur Adeena tak kelihatan tanda. Tapi takpe, ayah dah letak semula tanda nama Adeena. Insyallah, ayah akan usaha supaya kubur Adeena dibuat rumah2 jadi tak hilang begitu saja. Berderai airmata ibu dan ayah tak kala kami melawat kubur Adeena. Tak sangka, anak Bubu pergi mendahului ayah dan ibu. Jgn lupa ya sayang.. nantikan kami bersama abg Adib & abg Kimi di pintu Syurga. Subhanallah...

Ya Allah, kami redha dengan ketentuan ini. Kami bersyukur kerana dianugerahkan seorang  puteri. Semoga kami bertemu lagi dgn Adeena suatu masa nanti. Ya Allah, berikan la kami kekuatan melalui saat2 ini dgn tabah & redha. Sesungguhnya Engkau la sebaik2 perancang buat kami. Aameen.  Saat akhir bersama ibu dan ayah sebelum Adeena pergi meninggalkan bubu di hospital

I wanted to write more but i cant. I sedih la. I sedang cuba menahan sedih. I redha dengan qada'&qadar dari Allah. Tapi air mata ni....

What was the dream about? Im doing fine i guess. Just getting heavier cos its the eating season for me. Im trying to help my baby to gain more weight. Oh in case u dont know, we plan to name her Hana Adeena. Shan, during the 5th mth detail scan (last dec), Doc found a lot of abnormalities with baby Adeena. Its due to lack of some numbers of chromosome. Maybe due to my age. Doc suggested for me to terminate the baby as they found that baby is too small, there's hole in her heart, her breathing tube seems to be lesser, her left kidney is smller than her right. If I didnt terminate the baby, she will just stop growing and parish. But I couldnt do it Shan. Only God can take away live. Furthermore, she's bn so active kicking and responding to our voices all this while that I've decided to keep it and pray for miracles. During the 22nd week her size is abt 18th wks baby. When she's 24th week, she is abt 22wks baby. Now that i no longger vomitted my food, I hope she ca...